@AsgardianRose

Squirrels: 1,538

My dogs: -17

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@iamblackmamba76

A dating app that matches up the only-eats-the-icing people with the only-eats-the-cake people

@OctopusCaveman

I gotta take better care of myself. Today at the park a guy asked me if I would pretend to be his son from the future to scare him into eating right.

@WilliamAder

Invited a homeless guy to Thanksgiving dinner this morning, so when he shows up at your place, let him in.

@mydmac

Just remember, we are all just 1 small prescription away from riding a unicorn.

@E_lok44

No, sweetie. You can’t see the moon with vernaculars.

@thenatewolf

Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don’t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.