@TheTweetOfGod

St. Patrick’s Day may just be an excuse to drink, but then again so is Ireland.

St. Patrick’s Day may just be an excuse to drink, but then again so is Ireland.

- @TheTweetOfGod

You Might Also Like

@seanscrap

Got busted for shoplifting once in Canada and had to deal with their whole irritating Good Cop/Great Cop routine.

@tastefactory

PATIENT: Someone gave me pills at a party and my stomach hurts
DR: We took x-rays. You have spongy dinosaurs expanding inside you right now

@Hormonella

Facebook is terrific way to connect with classmates who haven’t aged as well as you.

@david8hughes

[meeting aboard the ISS space station]
Capt: all personnel are-David sit down please
Me trying to open a window cos it’s stuffy: in a minute

@ArfMeasures

Her: Tell me what you want

Me: A burrito

Her: No!! Tell me what you want in bed

Me: Oh! *gets in bed* a burrito

@TheToddWilliams

KID: Dad?

DAD: Yes, son

KID: What is the true meaning of Easter?

DAD: Well my boy, when someone wants to go very, very East they g-

KID: Never mind

@cranny_boy

I’m bathing in hot water with a bunch of vegetables, herbs and spices! The mayor has a big wooden spoon and he’s swirling the water around for me.