@robdelaney: Ever see a plane flying toward the moon & it looks like it's gonna hit it & then it does & the oceans boil & wolves take over?

@FattMernandez: I hope Prince Harry and Emma Watson last because if they have a son, it will be the half-blood prince.

@michael_raphone: INTERVIEWER: under skills you've listed "gets jokes" ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha

@_making_friends: I'm currently between relationships. The couple on my right are kissing and I think the couple on my left are about to start doing it.

@Reverend_Scott: NEIGHBOR: dude, that's the scariest costume I've ever seen. I love Halloween. ME: [wiping blood off my chainsaw onto my apron] costume?