@UnFitz: St. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday that's named after a massacre.
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@sidleykate: Call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage should be between a person who hates pickles and another person who will eat that pickle.
@Crunk_Jews: [first date] Her: I like a guy who gets a little nasty Me: [puts hand sanitizer away] I used a gas station bathroom once
@rickkondell: Apparently, if you stop to help an armored truck broke down on the side road, they'll mace and taser you. In that order.