Trouble brewing at Symphony Hall. It’s the bottom of Beethoven’s 9th, and the bassists are loaded.
barista: can i get a name?
me: sure. you look like a Tiffany
barista: no i mean a name for the order
me: oh! we’ll call this “coffee from Tiffany”
You Might Also Like
If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U & I and your hot friend Amber together.
I wonder what the part of my brain that used to remember phone numbers is up to these days.
*1st day on prozac*
Me: These are awesome! What am I supposed to take tomorrow?
Doctor: That was a 30 day supply.
Coworker: These heels are killing my feet but they’re so cute.
Me: These ugly Sketchers I’m wearing have insides made out of memory foam.
I like my women so intelligent that it takes me days to realize I was insulted.
[Eating unhealthy potato at restaurant]
Cop: You’re under arrest.
Me: What’s the charge?
Cop: a salt and buttery.
There are two reasons I often don’t reciprocate:
1. I get distracted.
I watch birds sometimes and wonder, “If I could fly, whose car would I crap on?”
*checks sons backpack to see how I did on his project*