If you know a clumsy person you secretly wish would die, give them some rollerblades.
Star Wars (1977): A wounded warrior overcomes severe burn injuries to build a massive empire only to see his estranged son destroy it.
You Might Also Like
wife: [holding our new puppy] aw, don’t scare him
me: there are 18 million vacant homes in the US, that’s enough for every homeless person to have six
puppy: holy shit
“You’re sure that’s the right word?”
“Like ,80% sure, yeah.”
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
If u want to get out of a conversation in public just say “I’ve gotta take this” then steal the nearest for-sale item and get arrested.
My friend got bitten by a snake and he fell to the floor and started writhing around. It’s amazing how fast the super powers kick in.
Ways that I am superior to dolphins:
– Am not afraid of being on dry land
– If you ask me to open an envelope, I do it quickly and it doesn’t get wet
– Faster at replying to emails
– Know more about the causes of World War 1
– Very rare for me to be swept up in a fishing net
The world is full of people who just need to hug a cactus.
Every teen trick-or-treating tonight got a handful of candy and a, “You must be heartbroken. I can’t believe Justin Bieber died so young!”