GUY ON TV: I’m going to show you how to make something today
ME [fingers crossed] please be a friend
Star Wars (1977): A wounded warrior overcomes severe burn injuries to build a massive empire only to see his estranged son destroy it.
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I kinda like zombies…but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk?…my apocolypse plans depend on it….thanks!
I’ll bring a knife to a knife fight because I have common sense. Idiots.
DATE: I think nervous boys are cute.
ME: *responding with confidence for the first time in my life* Excellent!
DATE: This date is over.
HER: I filled up on nuts
ME: I guess you bit off more than you… cashew
ME: I think I love you
I have nothing in common with people that learn from their mistakes
EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS: I’m gonna kill you
EDWARD ROCK HANDS: not so fast
EDWARD PAPER HANDS: Looks like we’ve got a real Mexican stand-off
“So Dave died”
Dave from work or Dave who never follows through on things
“Both. it was a suicide pact”
*dave walks in* hey guys
Great… I tried to kill a spider with glitter body spray and it didn’t work
Now I have a spider that won’t stop dancing and insists I call her cinnamon