Worst. Cruise. Ever. – Katie Holmes
Starbucks coffee is disgusting. First of all it tastes like soap, second of all u have to get it from dispensers in the BATHROOM????
You Might Also Like
I’m not gonna wear uggs or crocs or any other shoe that sounds like a noise my body makes involuntarily.
“I don’t see things as half full or half empty. I try to be optimistic!”
-Me explaining to my husband why I ran out of gas.
[buying a wood chipper]
ME: So does blood splatter everywhere when a body goes in?
When a Honda Element crashes into another Honda Element it becomes a Honda Compound.
Dogs lick each other’s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
it takes 700 grapes to make a bottle of wine and that’s why you’re fat
I tell people I broke my neck playing sports but it was actually from flicking my ponytail to unleash ancient curses.
People are always impressed to hear that I graduated from Harvard at 16, but you can do anything you set your mind to if you just lie.