@meganamram

Starbucks coffee is disgusting. First of all it tastes like soap, second of all u have to get it from dispensers in the BATHROOM????

You Might Also Like

@OhNoSheTwitnt

Just saw the first robin of the year so you know what that means. Batman can’t be far behind.

@BucMarvin

If Bugs Bunny was as sarcastic in real life as he was in the cartoons I’d be like, “HOLY SHIT A TALKING RABBIT!”

@BoomBoomBetty

[gets to heaven, transforms into angel]

God: Here’s your white gown
and— You JUST got here. How did you already spill spaghetti sauce all over yourself?

@JeremyKCMO

‘I’m sure it’s just water,’ I mumble as I sit down on the gas station toilet.

@climaxximus

“bro it doesn’t work like a boomerang”

-my friend before getting knocked out by a flying croissant

@Milla_Jacobs

I wish I had trained flies that would fly into the mouths of people who chew with their mouths open

@AaronFullerton

Doctor: “I’m sorry, sir, but you have an STD. I suggest you make a list of all your partners–”

Lou Bega: “Way ahead of you.”

@Lisabug74

My DNA test results finally proved what I knew all along; my mother was a can of diet Fresca.

@ClichedOut

WAITER: u can choose between 6 chocolate desserts and carrot cake

ME: the 6 chocolate desserts please