Return of the Jedi is not possible without the receipt of the Jedi.
Starbucks? Yes I’d like a tepid mug of milk froth please. My name’s Adam, but you can call me Aldin.
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God: you’re a centipede.
Centipede: what does that mean?
God: you have 10 legs.
Centipede: that’s not enough legs.
God: how many do you want?
Centipede: 100 LEGS : )
God: ok but don’t tell Snake.
Snake: don’t tell me what?
Snake: guys don’t tell me what?
i thought i heard a dog approaching but it was just some hot girl’s keys jingling. i fixed my hair for nothing
Oh, lovely. You’re doing your jogging in the street. Where cars drive.
Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. “A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago”
“Veggies?” The subway sandwich artist looks at me smugly. He knows I only want meat & cheese. He knows I fear the judgement of the line behind me. His hand hovers over the pale, wet lettuce. A bead of sweat drips down my forehead. The air between us crackles
Me: I’ll have some cold water
Clerk: sorry all we have is warm water
Me: yall got ice?
Me: I have a crazy idea
Odd that the silent way to alert performers they should quickly end their act is a gesture to slice your own throat.
I thought this house was haunted by a ghost but it turned out it was Bruce Willis the whole time. Also, I broke into Bruce Willis’ house.
“I think I have ADHD, doc”
“I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford”
“yeah I keep losing my Focus”
get out of my office