If the human race has a “signature move,” its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
“It’s amazing the activity you can pick up with a decent telescope [lowers kaleidoscope] absolutely amazing.”
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Oh OK thanks for the tip, I was actually planning on letting the bed bugs bite but good call
*puts on pickle costume*
*gets stuck in pickle costume*
Could you please help me?
I’ve gotten my myself into a pickle.
I was licking this girl all over her face right up until she explained to me what doggy style was.
Huge respect for Parasite, but Ford v Ferrari deserved to win just for the opening scene
*hears your text message notification beep*
*constantly imitates it so you check your phone for no reason*
I am “knows everything about Aardvarks because Mom bought an encyclopedia,” years old.
BOSS: I’m sorry mike, but you’ve been downsized
ME: (75% of my original size, in a voice 125% higher pitched) ahh maaan
Bruce Banner: Please don’t make me angry. I’m begging you. Today’s—
*violently transforms into Hulk, revealing Wonder Woman underoos*
Hulk: (sigh)… laundry day.
Give the gift of sarcasm to a child and receive it back tenfold.