@Turn2Dude

Start letting police dip their finger in the drugs and have a taste like in the movies. Recruiting problems solved.

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@BurroFuma

I keep waiting for my Cadbury Creme Eggs to hatch into Cadbury Creme Chickens, but no luck so far. And sitting on them certainly didn’t help

@TheWeirdWorld

My fondest childhood memory is thinking that $100 is a lot of money.

@MaryKoCo

If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb the odor. So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so bad it’s almost not worth it

@KimmyMonte

i have no electricity today bc of the snowstorm so i was forced to talk to my husband and son they seem nice.

@jmooallem

In the waning days of 2016, anything can happen. Even mystery pants.

@PaperWash

goals for 2016:

1) spend more time with my son
2) learn about his fav video games
3) defeat him
4) become video game household champion

@ericsshadow

Interview:

“What’s your greatest weakness?”

*I look at my watch then lean in*

How much time do you have?

@Sassafrantz

Becky on FB is “too blessed to be stressed” so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.