For the record, laughter does absolutely nothing to help diarrhea.
*starts throwing a fit*
Iron man: Here. Eat a Snickers.
Doctor Banner: Thanks, bro.
You Might Also Like
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
me: I always follow my moral compass
friend who’s lost in the woods with me: maybe we should’ve followed a compass compass
I like men in uniform, but sometimes it’s hard to flirt when they’re handcuffing me for menacing or rescuing me from another kitchen fire.
When dealing with the police it’s important to always remain calm and be white.
A couple of weeks ago I replaced my work computer with an aquarium. If anyone asks, I say it’s my screensaver.
Me: He died of natural causes.
Cop: You pushed him off a cliff.
Me: Gravity is natural.
“Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!” – The Very Civil War
Screaming out “BOOM PREGNANT!” during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
I just read that if you’re 200 pounds on Earth, you’re 76 pounds on Mars.
I’m not fat, I’m on the wrong planet.