She is very cute, has great energy! 😂
You Might Also Like
I told my kids they could have everything they want from the Amazon toy catalogue all they have to do is cut out the pictures and play with them which worked out great because now they’re not talking to me so problem solved
just found myself walking around inspecting things in my front yard with my hands clasped gently behind my back, so my transition into my grandfather is nearly complete
Money can’t buy me Love, but it buys having someone else wash my hair…
I’m sorry I joined the zoom with my flames of hell background
He just always looks at me like I’ve wronged him
When a guy asks “should I use a condom?” I like to reply “I would if I were you” Makes them think…
her: [during roleplay] come get me
me: [struggling to get up with my ninja turtle shell on] no you get me
I don’t claim to understand the science behind it, but I can absolutely state with one hundred percent certainty that I am playing a key role in the ongoing survival of the human race by making sure that each and every morning, without fail, I put my left shoe on before my right.
My kids were complaining they couldn’t find a tv programme to watch so I told them how little choice there was when I was a kid and 5 rolled her eyes and said “things have changed in the last 100 years mummy” and went back to scrolling
Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.
Her: Hi hun.
Atilla: [under breath] I told you not to call me that in front of the men. It might stick.
Me: Everyone should adopt a dog.
Him: Some people don’t like dogs.
M: Who?
H: I don’t know. Some people.
M: Who?! I want names and numbers!
moses: watch me split the red sea in half
red sea: i’ve got a boyfriend
Who called it Osteoporosis and not Epic Frail?
boss: your drug test came back clean
me: then my dealer’s got some explaining to do
boss: what
me: what
[roommate watching me get ready]
dont take that with you
“why not”
why would you
“it’ll be fine”
[hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]
COMPUTER: Enter your password
ME: [types ‘posh_people’s_tea’]
COMPUTER: Your password is too weak
ME: [high fives computer]
Christmas time is my Mom asking me what size shirt I wear and then telling me I’m wrong.
Me: Just once?
Dog:
Me: Please?
Dog:
Me: Say, “I’m a law-biting citizen”
Dog: That’s not water in your cup, is it?
Welcome to Flavourtown I’m Gouy Fieouri
My daughter has created a new game show where she puts her shoes all over the house and then asks us where they are
Leading causes of cancer:
1. Smoking
2. Aging
3. Radiation
4. Diet
5. WebMD
Crunching numbers would be a lot more fun if they made little potato chip sounds after each equation.
*halfway through watching the movie ‘the sting’, i finally lean over to my wife & whisper* if i don’t see any bees in this movie in the next five minutes i’m going to bed
Pilot, to passengers: Bit of a…uhhhh…problem on the flight deck…ahhhh…anyone know how much the average woodchuck might be able to…uhhhh…chuck?
Guy who loves tongue twisters: *whispering* It’s my time…
My husband would NEVER cheat on me.
He’s too lazy
Friend: wyd
Me: *waxing my bits*
texts – Arts and crafts, you?
DETECTIVE: Are you the new chalk outline guy?
ME: Yes I am
DETECTIVE: Stick to the bodies, no more thought bubbles with spaghetti inside them
ME: Eve-
DETECTIVE: Yes, even if they were thinking about spaghetti
the disturbing lack of time travellers arriving to stop 2020 happening suggests we never actually invent it
I’m only two people away from having a love triangle.