you don’t need to go to a workshop to build a bear, most of the time you don’t even need to build a bear.
Stellar hiring process HR. The new lady broke into song when being introduced to me. I give it 2 days before her first cat-related meltdown.
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Airline just told my GF she has too much baggage & they’ve only known her a couple of minutes.
If you’re bored and looking for something to do this weekend, a reminder that you should not start running for president
“Let’s agree to disagree.”
TRANSLATION: You’re so painfully wrong on every conceivable level that I just need you to shut up now.
“You’re like a brother to me”
First of all, I’m a Lannister
Basic white girl [laughing]: Yasssss omg I’m dying!
Takes Everything Literally Todd [shocks her with a defibrillator]: NOT ON MY WATCH!
*knocks on woman’s washroom*
Hello anyone in here?
*no one answers*
*runs in & lifts up every toilet seat*
*runs away giggling*
Sorry I’m late but my goldfish needed a bath.
Found my son and his GF naked in his room, Sex-ED is so advanced. Now, they also give homework!
[showing off my distressed jeans]