Can I ask you a question without you getting mad?
-People who are about to piss you off
Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money’s on LACK of intelligence.
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Often when swimming I still cross ankles and try to mermaid kick. Then I swim up to a random guy and sing to him until he calls security.
“WHAT IS THAT NOISE?”
“IS IT DEATH METAL?”
“ARE YOU A DEVIL WORSHIPPER?!”
“ARE YOU GONNA KILL THE DOG?!”
RT if you could go either way.
The coolest Superhero would be The Inaudible Woman.
ok boss, i duck taped the hostage’s mouth shut
“you mean duct taped, right?”
*cuts to hostage with live mallard stuffed in his mouth*
I try to often think “human meat is gristly” in case hungry aliens are reading my thoughts
I’m “yells at people who drive too fast in my neighborhood” years old
Genie: “You have three wishes.”
Me: “I wish for a burrito with guacamole.”
Genie: “Okay but the guac counts as your second wish.”
Turns out it wasn’t vertigo causing me to run into things, it was vodka.