@SlenderSherbet

“Steve, Steve, mate, I’ve gone blind, where are you? Seen any bread yet?”

You Might Also Like

@LovingIust

I can’t be DMing you 6 memes and you only acknowledge the last one I sent. I want 6 separate replies.

@mcs212

Daddy Longlegs: Proof you need to settle your inner demons before naming animals.

@WheelTod

If I’m guilty of anything it’s only of loving too much, insider trading, public indecency, treason, arson, jaywalking, piracy & cannibalism.

@hazelmotes1

“Why does everyone hate me?” I texted with the clicky keyboard sound turned on.

@tease

posting a sc story for 1 specific person to see is the modern day equivalent of gatsby hosting elaborate parties in hopes that daisy attends

@Ojasism

*Job Position: Astrologer*

Interviewer: Tell me about myself

@theshamingofjay

It’s a good thing this video game is rated mature because it’s going to be babysitting the kids tonight.

@Tierno158

When I refer to kids as “Snot-dripping, germ-spreading spawns of Satan” I hope you realize I’m not referring specifically to YOUR children.

@Pork_Chop_Hair

(my funeral)
Spouse, crying: I’ll miss you, my love. Your with the angels now.

Ghost me, whispering in his ear: *you’re

S: Oh ffs!

@bornmiserable

[United]
This is your captain speaking. Underneath each of your seats is a broadsword. In the words of Highlander, there can be only one.