My financial advisor recommended I join a doomsday cult.
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Girl: What colour are my eyes?
BARISTA: may i help you?
GUY WHO DEFINITELY LOOKS LIKE A SWARM OF BUTTERLIES IN A TRENCH COAT: you’re out of sugar water
I eat the free samples at Costco for lunch every day.
I’m adding ‘enjoys eating out’ to my dating profile.
Have single guys scared of the “Friend Zone” even heard of long-term relationships or marriage?
why do parents get mad when u sleep all day like im staying out of trouble and im not spending your money like what is the issue here
Who called him Spider-Man and not Netflix?
“Nine Foods You Should Never Eat Again”
Also known as the contents of my refrigerator.
I’ve had about 13 beers so I guess I’ll give myself a haircut
My turn ons are naps, cereal, and seeing women that are prettier than me trip over cracks in the sidewalk…