@tuckerflodman: Dessert police! Open up! *breaks down door* Freeze! Cake it easy man, I'm Pudding you in Custardy! "Ugh, well isn't this just Flantastic."

@bepryor: This is what happens when an AP style journalist marries an English major and the English major edits the wedding website copy

@huntigula: ME: [rubbing stomach after a big meal] WAITER: please stop touching me

@Darlainky: Autocorrect just changed AC to autocorrect even though I meant air conditioning. And I thought I was full of myself.

@hippieswordfish: 'some ppl call me the space cowboy' um okay 'some call me the gangster of love' sir 'some call me m-' sir we just need a name for your latte