@JohnHilsen
@iGreenMonk Small kid : Mom what happens when you die?
Mom : Your soul will go to heaven.
Small kid : No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?
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@iGreenMonk 
@Jarhead44 I’ve always wanted a monkey, so I bought one at auction today.
I’ve had him about an hour now.
Anyway….. Monkey for Sale.
@BrettDruck Homophobia isnt much about fear, true, but I wish it was more like Arachnaphobia(I heard that every year in your sleep you swallow 7 gays)
@CrapLocalNews Breaking news:
@drewjanda Imagine a spider. Scary, right? Wrong. This spider is imaginary. Really makes you think
@salamingia Wanna burn fat quickly and without dieting?
Here, take this gasoline and matches.
@JermHimselfish I hate it when I see an inflatable arm-flailing tube man and then I realize that he was actually flailing his arms at someone behind me.
@SurgicalTurtle ME: [screaming into the void]
THE VOID: please untag me from this thread
@TheTweetOfGod My son is 2,000 years old and still lives with His parents. #loser