Priest: I wonder what ignited the Notre-Dame cathedral fire?
Quasimodo: I have a hunch.
Priest: it’s always about you, isn’t it?
You Might Also Like
a potato meteor that cooks itself as it hurdles toward the earth and lands on your plate hot and ready
Me: I don’t know what to do on my date
Friend: show her some local culture
Me: *holds out hands* look at this yogurt
the boston alphabet is only 25 letters because they threw the t in the harbor
Never had a gay thought in my life but when Daniel Craig jumps onto the back of the train & adjusts his cuff I now kind of get it.
[Calling doctor’s office]
Lady: When is your child’s birthday?
Me: *panic* click
Your word is ‘golfed’
“May I have it in a sentence please?”
Sure. He golfed with a tee.
I’m not a liar. I have an English degree; I’m an unreliable narrator.
18 years ago today, Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saved our country and our PLANET from an alien invasion. Never forget
Crime would drop to 0% if police uniforms were scary clown costumes. “Put your hands up and state your favorite balloon animal!”