If bed bugs are named because they are found in beds…how did cockroaches get their name?
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A national monument to those brave online heroes who were “First!” in comments.
I made my wife sign a prenup because there was no way that I was going to let her take half of my Golden Girls Memorabilia collection.
Bahaha. Loving the support, maybe we’ll get this handled.
Dang girl are you the American health care system because if I don’t give you all my money you’d have no problem watching me die.
JUDGE: the word is “semicolon”
ME: can you use it in a sentence?
JUDGE: not really, no
Cop: Where were you on the night of July 19th 2009?
Me: Well I had diarrhea that day
Cop: That was 10 years ago. How do you remember that?
Me: *slamming fist on table* I have diarrhea every day
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
Sip of coffee for me, sip of coffee for my shirt.
[sprains my ankle]
Doc: does it hurt when you put pressure on it?
Me: Let me check
Me: [to ankle] c’mon dude try it, it’s only one cigarette