@MasterOfFury
If you’re only18, please don’t tweet philosophy and proverb verbiage based on your first love and the difficulty of your inexperienced life.
@Donna_McCoy
Stopping to get donuts for the office only works as an excuse for being late if the box isn’t empty.
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@MasterOfFury
@McClaneJohn2
Me: You shouldn’t do that.
Whiskey: Why not?
@AllanForsyth
I’m on the fence about whether to continue spying on my next door neighbours.
@autumnsays_
I put cucumbers, lemons, lime, and mint leaves in my water today thinking I was fancy…my one student gonna yell out and say “Ms. Luck got a salad in her water”
*students erupt in laughter*
@Cain_Unable
My wife’s left me for being too clingy & needy.😢
No wait, she’s back. She hadn’t left me, she was just making a cup of tea.God I missed her.
@GuyThe_Guy
This LSD may be taking a turn, but I think this pony rabbit is a piece of shit insurance salesman.
@Mike_Bianchi
Take me down to the paranoid city where the grass is TRYING TO KILL ME and the girls are CONSPIRING AGAINST ME
@ericsshadow
Single: We do it like rabbits
Married: I submitted the proper request form but haven’t heard back yet
@MoneypennyNaked
I could never be on The Bachelor. I don’t need millions watching me get dumped & cry on tv. It’s bad enough my cat sees that shit everyday.
@TweetPotato314
damn girl r u internet explorer cause u r not responding