*stops lecturing woman in white lab-coat and turns to camera*

“When my doctor first told me I was a ‘mansplainer’, I had a lot of answers.”

You Might Also Like


Imagine falling in love with somebody and finding out they’re uncomfortable making the sex in an abandoned mannequin factory.


“there’s only one thing to do when you’re Zero Dark Thirsty” *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*


You look dirty, so does your toaster maybe you should both go for a bath… I’ll draw it


I’m not sure why banks tie down pens that don’t work.


Me: *dripping in sweat and covered in scratches* You should see the other guy!

[Camera pans slowly to sports bra crumpled on the floor]


Old enough to remember when infectious laughter had a positive connotation


Parenting through the years:

1st kid: Organic food only

2nd kid: “McDonald’s once in a while isn’t so bad.”

3rd kid: “Did he just eat dog food? I’m sure he’s fine.”


“Its odd how the Church just lets
pedophile’s grant forgiveness”

Anyway…thats why I’m not allowed
in Confession anymore.



The thing that impedes you from traveling from the place you didn’t want to be to the place you don’t want to go.