@manfishj: I hope the guy who invented Autocorrect burns in hello!!

@simoncholland: Having a daughter in middle school makes you realize every song ever written is highly inappropriate.

@Sickayduh: [Lie detector] "You claim you can move an object by saying just one word. Is this true?" - Yes *needle going nuts* "I, sir, have been owned"

@robfee: I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.

@bourgeoisalien: [dies, meets god] explain Florida