@stevevsninjas: Struck by her beauty, Issac Newton leans in for a kiss. He receives an equal, but opposite, reaction.
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@mereip: *maroon 5 band meeting* 'Songs About Jane' was a massive hit, let's never make anything that sounds like it ever again. do u guys like disco
@dril: the vatican should not be allowed to name any new saints until God sorts out my numerous issues with the citibank web portal
@QwertyJones3: COLLEGE STUDENT: Mom wants me to be a doctor, but I really just want to be one of those people who takes your money at the bank. DAD: Teller COLLEGE STUDENT: I do but she doesn't listen
@_ElvishPresley_: Ground Control: the papers want to know whose shirts you wear! Major Tom: tell my wife I love her very— Ground Control: WHAT SHIRTS TOM