If anyone tried to steal my identity I would just think “now it’s their problem.”
*struggling to get the peanut butter jar that I just closed open*
“HOLY COW, I’M STRONGER THAN MYSELF”
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Guy Fieri is the live action version of the cartoon version of himself.
Today I cleared cache and deleted cookies without making nom nom nom cookie monster noises. Because I’m a grown up.
Jk. SNACK TIME! NOM NOM NOM
ATTENTION: Can the owner of the ‘MarioKart Champion’ tshirt return to security? There are several women here who’d like to have sex with you
If ignorance is bliss then explain Facebook.
Kinda miss the days when rage smashing a phone just meant you looked at the three pieces on the floor, sighed, then picked them up and put the battery back in
*wife is murdered
*looks at mirror
(Written in blood)
“My next what?
*from the closet
“Oh sorry typo I meant you’re.
Now that robots move their limbs smoothly and with grace, I wonder how we’re supposed to imitate them on the dance floor.
I’m simultaneously drinking Starbucks and a Monster, in case I need to do something extreme and be a snob about it, within the next 30 min.