Anybody here really good at Wheel of Fortune? I need help figuring out a drunk dm.
Student: “May I go to the toilet?”
Teacher: “What for?”
Student: “To open the Chamber of Secrets”
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*winning a goldfish at a carnival*
I shall take my small prisoner and be on my way.
“He’s more scared of you than you are of him” – Girl coaching her friend into talking to me
I’d like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around
Shout out to my self-aware friends, you know who you are
Why is everyone bragging about how great it is to have kids? I slept till noon today, and the only person who threw up last night was me.
i heard a couple arguing in mcdonalds and the guy stood up and said “i’m mcdone with you” and walked out
You know you’ve seen too many walking dead episodes when your hand gets stung by a bee and you start screaming for everyone to cut it off
I don’t understand why people always fight becoming a zombie or vampire. Both seem awesome because you don’t have to have a job.