I just watched an ad for a stain remover in which they cleaned a pool of blood off a sofa and it seemed perfectly normal.
Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl
with a big butt. The 10th man prefers the other 9
You Might Also Like
“I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!”
Empty bottles: LOL
Wine shop owner: LOL
New bottle: LOL
Bottle opener: LOL
“Everything I touch just turns to shit!”
– Large intestines
“Omg I have a cat?”
Imma need the barbs, beyhive, k pop stan Twitter, navy, and retired 1D stans to join forces and rig this election. I know y’all can do it
I howl at the moon for fun and absolutely shit myself as the moon howls back, inciting several other moons in the solar system to also howl at me
“We found the problem. There’s an entire sheep in your stomach.”
“Is that bahahaad?”
“Yes. It’s causing some internal bleating.”
mom: Why are your eyes red? Are you high!?
[flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” in the car on the way over]
If Sesame Street really cared about children they’d realize Big Bird could feed a hungry family for a month.
Wife: We named you after Grandma
Me: Yes that was my idea!
Grandma: They all laugh at me at school