*looking up at the stars*
Me: look at that big one, isn’t it beautiful?
Her: *squinting* can we do this at night, instead?
Studying abroad: Spending months in another country.
Studying a broad: Spending months Facebook stalking Ashley.
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Date: I’m excited to taste your cooking. When will it be ready?
Me: In a minute I’ll have to peel back the plastic, stir and re-cover.
I covered my boyfriend’s laptop in melted cheese and now he’s really mad at me. I mean, what did he expect when he asked for Mac and cheese?
Getting a snowstorm today. They said it would start around noon, it’s now 12:02, so already the meteorologists were wrong.
The 4th little pig built his house into a windmill. The wolf huffed and puffed and generated enough power to last the whole winter.
wife & I started scheduling date night between midnight & 7am, we just sleep the whole time, but at least we’re doing something together
Having teenage boys over for the weekend is a great way to clean out the kitchen. It’s like hiring goats to mow the lawn.
I love hoodies because maybe I work out, maybe I ate 4 whole large pizzas last week. You don’t know.
To truly understand the impact of the boys being back in town, one must first examine the circumstances that led to the boys’ departure in the first place. In this essay, I will
School Review Board: you only want pure blood children to attend?
Salazar Slytherin: that is true.
School Review Board: and you have a room with a giant snake that attacks children?
Salazar Slytherin: also true.
School Review Board: *stamp* approved