Diarrhea is too hard to spell so I call it crapplesauce
[studying beached whale]
its a new species bill think of a name
*surfer walks by*
yo killer whale dude
*biologists look at each other*
You Might Also Like
Drinking wheatgrass juice is a great way to know what being a lawnmower tastes like.
I just told my boss that “STFU” stands for “Sincere Thanks For Understanding” and it’s REALLY important that none of you tell him otherwise
My targeted ads keep trying to sell me a new mattress. Come on, Google. Stop pretending like you don’t know exactly how much I have in the bank right now. Send me an ad for $5 footlongs or bulk rice or something.
Fish don’t seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid-air I would probably eat it.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
Avril: I want a divorce. You aren’t a sk8er boi. So see ya later boi.
Chad: This is how you remind me of what I really am?!
My daughter woke me up at 5 am to urgently tell me “any balloon spongebob blows up is technically a water balloon” & I have not been able to fall back asleep
Sasquatch is just a regular quatch who tells it like it is.
When my 9 year old gets off the phone with his girlfriend, I’m going to ask him for some dating advice.