I just innocently told my wife that for the past 8 years I’ve thought it was okay to put bobbles and hair pins in the bin if they’re just left lying around.
Holy shit. What a moment.
Sucks when good bands have dumb names.
“What are you listening to?”
“It’s Made Out of Babies, they’re really great.”
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At 9 y/o I was obsessed with extraterrestrials & desperately wanted to be abducted. I’ve changed a lot since then, for instance, now I’m 42.
Don’t believe in aliens, huh? Explain how people in the 1800s got on top of those bicycles with the huge front wheels.
I thought I lost my car keys, but the NSA called and said they were in my other pants.
If people start referring to your outfits as “get-ups,” you might want to start rethinking some of your fashion choices.
Cows are vegetarians too, but you won’t hear them bragging about it on Twitter.
You know who doesn’t sleep like a baby? Babies.
iPhone 6: For people who don’t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
Families that do Christmas card photo shoots months before Christmas have the organizational skills of high-level Nazis.
[GOD CREATING DUCKS]
Give that chicken a kazoo.