Me: ‘Why are you going through my phone?’
BF: ‘Do you have something to hide?’
Me: ‘I’m gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.’
You Might Also Like
[dropping kids off at school]
ME: Ok, learn a lot today
KIDS: But school doesn’t start for another week
ME: *speeding off* GOOD LUCK
*gloating* I just broke the internet
Narrator: He dropped the WiFi router.
What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?
If you guessed “Heaven nun” or “Angel nun” you’re wrong.
The answer was “Nun of the Above”.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny shit.
Can’t wait to get my first kiss this Christmas under the missile toe 😘😂
Wife: please stop eating so much salt.
Wife: too much sodium can lead to high blood pressure, heart attack, and stroke.
Me: so you’re saying too much sodium is a salt with a deadly weapon?
Wife: [pours more salt on my food].
Scientist: [*exits time machine*] “I did it! I visited the future”
Assistant: “What was it like?”
Scientist: “Do you like staring at rectangles?”
Goes to church to find God’s love. Friendzoned.
ME: And now to test my greatest invention, the cowtapult!
? ? ? O
?? ?? o