@MikeCanRant: Summer Safety Tip: Before swimming in the ocean, cover yourself in gluten to lower the chances of being eaten by health conscious sharks.
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@BoomBoomBetty: My husband: sneezes and starts updating the will and shopping for coffins Me, on my deathbed: I’m fine, it’s just seasonal allergies.
@fro_vo: Date: any pets? Me: a pet rock D: lol at least u don’t have to housetrain it Me: *flashback to piles of pebbles all over my house* haha yeah