Error 609: When your kid sleeps in between.
Summer vacation with my kids is just me asking, “Have you brushed your teeth today?”
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I accidentally started this account when I was looking for a banana bread recipe and things have gone horribly wrong.
What is the meaning of life?
S-T-A-Y-I-N A-L-I-V-E S-T-A-Y-I-N A-L-I-V-E
*Squints at board*
What the heck?
A Bee Gee board?
Netflix should have a category called
“easy to follow while looking at my
phone the whole time”
[driving car off a cliff]
Me: Haha 2019 does have flying cars
I like to use the Ouija board to pester my dead husbands.
How can you waste food when there are starving children in…ew onions.
I’m not sure which is worse:
People who force their religion on you…
Anyone who’s ever said “Oh it’s because I’m a Virgo.”
I used to think Pet Insurance was a waste of money but my cat is at the vets & they’ve sent us a really lovely little courtesy cat.
Me: ahhh my severed head collection is coming along nicely