Becoming hard to tell difference between credible news organizations like 4chan and troll sites like New York Post.
Sunday and Monday would be great names for twins if one was kind of normal and quiet and the other one was pure evil.
You Might Also Like
SCIENTIST: You are my finest creation, and I love you like a son even though you’ve malfunctioned and now only say-
ROBOT: Fight me, dipshit
My kids use all the toilet paper, dictate when I sleep and eat, and destroy everything I own. My house is its own little communist country.
If the covid vaccine is implanting trackers in us then that just means when I get lost in an ikea then they can send in a rescue team
The biggest problem with getting my picture taken is anytime someone says “Cheese!” My immediate response is “Where!!”
Me: what do you call an insect that used to work for a rideshare company?
Her: what is the opposite of a crime of passion
professor x: what is your superpower
me: dinosaur chicken nuggets
professor x: that is not a superpower
me: i thought you said superfood
me: alexa, play that song by the ting tings
siri: THAT’S NOT MY NAME
me: I quit drugs to concentrate on rock climbing
him: nice what’s the highest you’ve been
me: I tried to kiss a goldfish
I buy my cat Christmas AND Hanukkah toys, because I’m really not sure what her religious beliefs are.