why call it a “pork medallion” instead of a Hamulet
Sunday Family Dinner:
Mother In Law: Isn’t that your third glass of wine?
Me: Isn’t that your third husband?
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Got kicked off the police force for saying “Ooooooo, somebody’s in trouble” every time I made an arrest.
Sure, my bologna has a first name, but he’s a stickler for manners so he insists we still call him Mr. Bologna.
COP: Your home was robbed
ME: Dang I had a self-designed alarm system
C: Didn’t work
M: Back to the drawing board
C: They stole that
Just saw a dolphin with a tattoo of a college girl struggling for individuality and freedom from her middle class parents
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
Ted Cruz thinks:
1. Presidents should pray every day
2. More prayers the better
3. Muslims pray 5x day
4. Ted Cruz wants a Muslim president.
go ahead and get in the pond since u wanna act like a silly goose
ME: Boy, the upstairs neighbors are sure noisy tonight.
WIFE: Y— wait. We live on the top floor.
ME: *remembering my promise to the brotherhood of dancing chimney sweeps* Boy, sure is windy, is what I meant to say.
ME: Sure is beautiful here
ME: Lovely sunset too
HORSE: Uh huh
ME: So…You want a drink?
HORSE: Nice try