But I’m the good kind of abomination, right???
Me: Finally a day I can sleep in
Birds: We’ll see about that lol
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only thing keeping me from being stripper is about 60 pounds
*gets a series of eyebrow rings*
*hangs little curtains from them to cover my face*
My Mother worries about me living in London sometimes.
I tell her it’s not London she has to worry about.
I just injured myself on a potato.
Ok, all you people who adopt dogs and put “who rescued who?” stickers on your car… you drive me crazy!
Clearly it’s “who rescued whom?”
Scientists have identified the dog particle. It is a good particle. Such a good particle yes it is. Does it want a treatsy weatsy yes it doe
Ignorance is only bliss until you wish you knew the answer
ME, HOLDING A MIC TO MY DOG’S MOUTH: who’s a good boy
DOG: your mom
ME: please take this seriously
Showering at a woman’s house is like being at an open bar for conditioners.
Just waiting to hear those three special words… “there’s no evidence.”