@noogscorner: Superman: Kinda sucks you can't fly.
Batman: It's okay.
Superman: Why?
Batman: My planet hasn't exploded, so I can still walk and drive.
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@mexinonblonde: *crawls towards him gets between his legs and asks* What do you want? Him-Whatever you want. Me-*gets a bowl of ice cream and turns on tv*
@Lisabug74: You realize a robot is telling you to pick out tree pictures to make sure you're not a robot.
@beefman138: I have done about 300 crunches for my new exercise routine. 299 of them are Nestlé.
@Lisabug74: Don't you love it when you're doing a nude selfie in a leather harness and you accidentally press answer on your mom's face time?
@mattZillaaaa: Everyone is posting pictures of their Christmas tree on Instagram and I'm like oh shit I forgot to delete Instagram.
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