Dentist: I would like the fish sandwich, please.
Server: Tartar sauce?
Dentist: *eyes narrow*
Superman: Where’s Batman?
Wonder Woman: *shrugs*
Firestorm: I dunno
Green Lantern: …
Superman: Oh shit, we forgot Batman can’t fly again!!
You Might Also Like
People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen
Me: I spy something gray.
4yo: Your hair!
Me: I spy something adopted.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}
What If When You Die They Ask You
“How Was Heaven?”
We need a name for our store that shows we’re on the cutting edge of technology.
“How about Radio Shack?”
You’ll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar.
Also a rotting corpse will work. Or poop. Lots of ways to attract flies.
If you want your dog to take a pill:
1. Get a piece of cheese
2. Eat the cheese for energy
3. Get ready to wrestle your dog
I’ve just been wearing a towel for 5 days so everyone thinks I showered.
Why does my computer always ask me if I’m “sure” about stuff? Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.
You two just need to get out more.
– Me, giving Abe Lincoln relationship advice