What’s the past tense of “wake & bake”?
“Woke and boke”?
“Awake and baked”?
“Awakened and baconed”?
Whatever it is, I’m that
Superman’s only weakness is the extremely rare Kryptonite that all his enemies have.
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First Rule of Parent Club:
If your kid gets their head stuck in something, make sure you get your camera before you help them get it out.
[first time seeing Godzilla]
ok so where’s Jesuszilla
Murderer:You can’t hide from me!
Murderer:BOOM BOOM BOOM LET ME HEAR YA SAY WEY-OH!
Me:WEY-OH! God Dammit.
How to properly use a paper clip:
1. Throw in garbage
2. Use a stapler
roman lesbians: *caesaring*
publisher: “harry & ron” i love that lol boring names in a magical world
jk rowling: hermione
jk rowling: albus dumbledore
publisher: ok i get it i was wrong
jk rowling: cornelius fudge lmao
Me: I can’t come to work, I’m snowed in.
Boss: It hasn’t snowed.
M: It did where I live.
B: We live in the same town.
M: Isolated storm.
B: I live across the street from you.
M: Extremely isolated storm.
Most guys propose with a diamond but if you’re really smart give her an onion ring that way if she says no you still have a snack.
Take it easy, Officer. You act like you’ve never seen a woman with a car full of penguins before.