[Weasel & mink are cuddling, watching a nature documentary]
Narrator: …the mink, a close relative of the weasel
Weasel: Oh no Susan oh god
SUPERVILLAIN: [thrusting kryptonite into my side]
ME: How did you discover my weakness? [gasping for air] I… hate… being… stabbed…
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Kids are the worst CIA agents. I KNOW WATERBOARDING SUCKS KATIE BUT YOU CAN’T TELL THE TALIBAN EVERYTHING FOR A CAPRI SUN YOU IDIOT
I have a plan. I bring him home ,but don’t sleep with him.
Long story short he pays for the taxi.
My family tried an “Unplugged Evening”, and that’s how we accidentally killed Nana
Meghan Trainor songs:
-All About That Bass
-Flounder’s Good Too
-Also I Like Shrimp
-Wait, I’m a Vegan
-All About That Kale
me: what are you doing?
8: looking for my toy
me: why don’t you turn your light on?
8: i can see in the dark
me: carry on
Coward (adv.): in the direction of the cows
Batman could have used his wealth to help Gotham’s poor and disenfranchised. But no, we really needed another violent leather fetishist.
Is it just me or are the puzzles on The Guardian website really easy?