My wife told me to find someone else if anything ever happened to her so I don’t know why she got pissed when she found my “prospects” list.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
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Band:Make some noise!
Me:THATS SO VAGUE! WHAT KIND OF NOISE?!
B:I cant hear u!
M:B/C UR PLAN WAS FLAWED FROM THE START!
They should really replace, “I now pronounce you man and wife” with “FINISH HIM!!”
Be the person nobody was prepared to deal with.
My turd eating dog just spit out something I cooked if anyone wants to come to dinner.
I don’t like the gerbil I become when I’m stuck in a revolving door.
I ate so much bread yesterday, I checked Web MD to make sure that I couldn’t end up with a yeast infection.
Sign your kids up for sports so that they can get exercise, and drive-thru for dinner.
me covering my front camera with tape and thinking about how the fbi agent monitoring me has watched me cry everyday but never once checked up on me: cut toxic people out of your life 2018
Whoever thought up the spelling of the word “queue” is stueuepid.