@DaddyJew: Surround yourself with positive people and positive things will happen. Surround yourself with negative people and say hi to my family.
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@zachreinert03: When my roommate won't wash the dishes I always leave a note'hey please do the dishes, because I will wash one knife & use it in your sleep'
@DaddyJew: Oh, your kid gets straight A's at school? That's cool. My son knows exactly what to do in case of a zombie apocalypse.
@Vodkantots: Get your therapist to start taking you seriously by pulling a donut out of your purse.