@DaddyJew: Surround yourself with positive people and positive things will happen. Surround yourself with negative people and say hi to my family.
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@mrtimlong: Every time I raise my arm a little, a falcon lands on it. It was super-cool at first, but now I'm starting to get annoyed.
@RandiLawson: Did U hear they're remaking 'Dirty Dancing' & Miley Cyrus is gonna play the abortion.
@TheAlexNevil: There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.