Girls that try to flirt with guys on Twitter are pathetic.
Guys, if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
If confronted by a dinosaur while hiking, politely but firmly explain that it is extinct.
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Him: I love nerd girls
Me: Did you know that having red beard hair happens if you only have 1 mutated MC1R gene?
Him: no. not like that.
Avril Lavigne is the lead singer of Maroon 5 right
I call it a ‘knife’
“Wow, that’s the best thing since bread!”
Gregory, I am about to blow your mind
ME: [bird watching]
PIGEON: [looking out window] Babe he’s back.
“Omg I love it”
*Ten minutes later*
“Dear God what have I done?”
FACT: The Ghostbusters are a paralegal entity who enforce arbitrary restrictions on Post-Corporeal Americans.
When a woman says she’ll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space & finish building my Death Star before we go.
Find yourself a person who…NO. Scratch that.
Find yourself some cake.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.