“Sushi” is Japanese for “take a picture of this, white girls.”

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If you don’t like the idea of wiping someone’s ass in the middle of eating a delicious meal, you probably shouldn’t become a parent.


*Santa’s Google search*
cheap labor
cheap labor not kids
magic cheap labor
elf for sale bulk
labor laws by country
north pole group travel


If you ever get attacked by a bear, throw your shark at it. Also, get a shark.


cat logic is so simple yet so effective. dont like something? smack it as far away from you as possible. flawless reasoning


What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.


When I was a little girl dreaming about what life in my thirties might be like, I envisioned way more powerful enemies.


“Forgive me, I’m a terrible flort”

“Don’t you mean flirt?”

*starts florting*

“OMFG. WTF is that?!”


I swear I won’t be undressing you with my eyes again. That REALLY hurt!


[to hot girl at bus stop as bus approaches]
“I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to.”