I help my husband move furniture by saying “Oh my goodness, you are so strong” and “a little more to the left” and “so so strong” and “you know what, I liked it better the downstairs”
*switches the place cards so I’m sitting next to the mashed potatoes*
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*man on tv sweeps items off desk and passionately embraces woman*
Me: How romantic.
*husband passionately throws folded laundry off bed*
Can anyone recommend a hypnotist? I’m open to suggestion
The Taliban heavily overestimates the need for monkey-bar training.
Kik you? Like what? In the face?
ROBIN: do you go to church
CATWOMAN: yeah i’m catholic
ROBIN: what’s a holic
Sometimes it’s not about missing someone, it’s about reloading and trying again.
Eating a box of Thin Mints doesn’t make you thin.
sorry I didn’t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth