*switches the place cards so I’m sitting next to the mashed potatoes*

You Might Also Like


I help my husband move furniture by saying “Oh my goodness, you are so strong” and “a little more to the left” and “so so strong” and “you know what, I liked it better the downstairs”


*man on tv sweeps items off desk and passionately embraces woman*

Me: How romantic.

*husband passionately throws folded laundry off bed*



Can anyone recommend a hypnotist? I’m open to suggestion


The Taliban heavily overestimates the need for monkey-bar training.


ROBIN: do you go to church
CATWOMAN: yeah i’m catholic
ROBIN: what’s a holic


Sometimes it’s not about missing someone, it’s about reloading and trying again.


Eating a box of Thin Mints doesn’t make you thin.