Our son came home one day with
a note from his first grade teacher:
Your son bit another boy today.
Is he getting enough to eat at home ?
[SyFy pitch meeting]
Me: A hurricane of cats! PURRICANE!
Me: A tidal wave of cows! MOONAMI!
Producer: I’m gonna say no
Me: An earthquake of ducks! EARTHQUACK!
Producer: Please leave
Me: *being dragged out by security* FLYPHOOOooon
You Might Also Like
I’m wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat.
By age 35 you should:
-live in a cave on a mountain
-try to destroy christmas at least once
-develop the capacity for empathy and compassion but only after your scheme fails
ME: Watch this [puts chopsticks up nose, does silly face]
DATE: This isn’t even a Chinese restaurant did you bring those with you?
Ignore her and she’ll go away, to buy a gun, but she’ll go away.
Missed opportunity: Who decided to call it “possession of marijuana” instead of “joint custody”?
I’m going bananas!
*What I tell my bananas when I’m leaving the house.
Little known fact:
If you eat a Tide POD™ you will poop out the secret of how to fold a fitted sheet.
Palaeontology teaches us dinosaurs were flat and lived underground