[ear is bleeding for 3 days straight] hmm better keep an eye on that.
[laptop slow for one second] i gotta run AdWare & antivirus right now
Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and hey why did you bring all these goats they’re eating this luscious grass.
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WHO WAS THE PERSON WHO PASSED UP THE CHANCE TO CALL GERMAN CURRENCY GERMONEY
No one lays down beats like Gaston, fills the seats like Gaston, when on Twitter nobody tweets like Gaston.
Me: You’ve dimmed the lights already, aren’t we forward?
* smiles suggestively *
Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Netflix just asked me “Are you really going to eat that too?”
Maybe I carry an axe. You don’t know. I could love you to pieces…
Pediatrician: I’d like to discuss your son’s limited interest in, or ability to, interact with others.
Me: Absolutely. Email me?
LIES! STOP THE LIES!
-My reply to my husband whenever he tells me he’s gonna “repair that”.
GOD: [reviewing solar system] hmm… i’ll give it 5 stars
EARTH: [imediately starts screamig due to masive gravitational pull of 4 new stars]
Border Security does NOT think it’s funny when you reply,
when they ask you if you have anything to declare.