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@Poutymcgee: *takes a long drag from a cigarette
*points at your baby
What's wrong with your dog?
@KentWGraham: The worst part of a 30-minute workout is the final 29 minutes.
@aka_IDIOT_: Together, I can beat schizophrenia.
@AGreaterMonster: Stretching before working out is for wussies could someone please call 911?
@junejuly12: That awkward moment when you make eye contact with a cute guy in the mall food court as you’re slurping up a 2-foot long noodle.
@ShittyComedian: I was having sex with this woman for 10 minutes before I realized it was a man, and then for like 20 minutes after.