*first day as a lawyer*
Bailiff: All rise for the judge.
Me: *too lazy* Objection.
*takes picture of son putting ornament on the tree*
Okay, now give that back to mommy and don’t touch another one, okay?
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You brought me roses? I can’t eat this. Get out.
I’m circling the auto shop and hoping that my mechanic can hear me yelling, “BRAKES!”.
Just had a 9 minute argument with The Boy over why he needs to change his underwear this morning.
Don’t forget your birth control, friends.
I’m far less concerned with who let it out, and more curious as to why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
I can feel you getting distant from me; my only wish for you is that your destination is oncoming traffic.
When I was little I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.
*looks around* I guess I should have been more specific.
1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note.
Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil.
Me: Okay 2 it’s time for bed
2: NO! Mommy go to bed
*goes to bed
Was trying to get shots of my new hair and you can see exactly the moment I spotted the enormous daddy long-legs on the wall