Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
taking cats to the vet is hard because you can’t lie and be like, “we are going to the park!” since they don’t want to go there either.
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Today I opened the door to the supply room and four Japanese guys jumped out and yelled “supplies!”
thanks, but I’M TOO FAR AWAY FOR YOU TO BE HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS STOP IT
If you’re moving to a new house for a “fresh start,” congratulations your new house is haunted.
7: You sent me in without crazy socks today.
Me: I sent you in with the backwards shirt.
7: But it was Wacky Hair Day!
Me: CAN’T YOU KIDS JUST GO TO SCHOOL
U know the 1960’s movie “The Birds” about an onslaught of thousands of flying creatures? That’s me when I open the Tupperware cabinet…
i do this stupid thing where i water my garden on the day it rains, but in my defense, the rain reminds me that they need to be watered
So quick to claim someone on your taxes yet so slow to make them a snack.
ten years ago we had Jason Shoes, Carl Shirt and Daniel Problem. now we have no shoes no shirt no problem welcom to dennys what can i get u
“Release the Kraken!”
“We released him. He just took off. It’s not like he was trained or anything.”
“Release the tuna!”