[taking FRIENDS quiz]

7. Which character do you most identify with?


8. Which is your least favorite character?


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When my twitter crush rt’s another girl, a little part of me dies. And so does she.


Me: But do you really have what it takes to be as cool as me?

*coolly tosses cashew high in the air, smoothly catches cashew in trachea, suavely chokes to death on cashew*


a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:12:”calamitygina”;s:5:”image”;s:90:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3500139565/481993e5347fcad3e98d66cc4c9f4ded_bigger.jpeg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:18:”222056070812676097″;s:7:”retweet”;s:2:”35″;s:5:”tweet”;s:135:”Being the parent of a 7 yr old boy, I have washed many odd things when I forgot to check his pockets, but today wins: an entire potato.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}


[Job interview]
“You list communication as a strength”


“Care to elaborate?”



*wakes up from surgery

How did it go?

Surgeon: Good, your nose only lit up twice


Waiter: *sets down check*

Me: my treat

Her: thank you so much

Me: *grabbing mint on check* for what


Brownie points would be better if we could eat them.


Men in suits look really weird standing on the grass. Go back to the concrete buddy