Thanks to yesterday’s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
Taylor Swift tweeted a picture of her cat watching the Olympics and just as I suspected, Taylor’s bedroom looks like a giant doily.
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Unless someone can convincingly explain why his folder suddenly changes colour, none of us will ever truly be at peace
My boyfriend just texted me, “We need to talk.” I think he’s going to propose!
INTERVIEWER: What’s your best strength?
ME: I’m very self-lubricated
INT: You mean self-motivated?
ME: *slides out of the office* Nooooooooooo
Sometimes men engage in risky behavior.
Like when they buy a vacuum cleaner for their wife for her birthday present.
Listen up, guys
Neil Diamond is the name of a famous American singer-songwriter but it’s also a checklist for anyone about to propose
If a guy doesn’t return your texts for 4 months, it might be over.
It probably isn’t, but it might be.
You can’t get pregnant from sex with a condom, only from sex with a person
Sorry you didn’t win Best Picture, “Mad Max: Fury Road,” but if Trump wins the election, you can re-submit for “Best Documentary.”