Taylor Swift tweeted a picture of her cat watching the Olympics and just as I suspected, Taylor’s bedroom looks like a giant doily.

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Thanks to yesterday’s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.


Unless someone can convincingly explain why his folder suddenly changes colour, none of us will ever truly be at peace


My boyfriend just texted me, “We need to talk.” I think he’s going to propose!


INTERVIEWER: What’s your best strength?

ME: I’m very self-lubricated

INT: You mean self-motivated?

ME: *slides out of the office* Nooooooooooo


Sometimes men engage in risky behavior.

Like when they buy a vacuum cleaner for their wife for her birthday present.


Listen up, guys

Neil Diamond is the name of a famous American singer-songwriter but it’s also a checklist for anyone about to propose


If a guy doesn’t return your texts for 4 months, it might be over.

It probably isn’t, but it might be.


You can’t get pregnant from sex with a condom, only from sex with a person


Sorry you didn’t win Best Picture, “Mad Max: Fury Road,” but if Trump wins the election, you can re-submit for “Best Documentary.”